Roy's Dog Tactics 101
by rawrxiMax
Summary: [Complete]What happens when Roy finds out there’s a dog inside the military? He hunts down to find it and raise it as his own…but are his methods even humane? Sorry the title sucks, i apologize!
1. Beginging Tactics 1

Black Hayete

N/A: Another FMA fanfic! YAY! This one as the title states involves Black Hayete, but a special guest Roy Mustang! clap, clap, clap

Summary: What happens when Roy finds out there's a dog inside the military? He hunts down to find it and raise it as his own…but are his methods even humane?

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Havoc, Hawkeye, Fury, Archer, and Tringley were all in the break room hovering around Fury.

"Is t-that a d-d-dog!" Tringley flew back out of his chair and climbed up the farthest book shelf that was in the room.

"Why y-yes that is a d-d-dog, Tringley! Geez stutter much?" Archer started mocking him in an annoying tone, until Hawkeye started firing her gun at Black Hayete.

"What! What are you doing Hawkeye!" Fury was running at Black Hayete, who peed on the floor instead of the wall…this time.

"I'm teaching him a lesson! Isn't that right Hayete? You'll never do it again now will you!" As she said this Hawkeye raised her gun again at the dog, and started glaring.

Hayete shook his head and ran towards the door that had just opened to reveal…Roy Mustang!

Cue people screaming in the background and Mustang walking in under a spotlight, with sparkles around him.

"So Fury, what have we here?" Roy grabbed Hayete by the neck and started shaking him.

"Uh colonel it's a dog…and I really don't think you should-" Roy was swinging Hayete around by it's paws, jumping up and down and frolicking with him.

"I see you've got a new owner!" Hawkeye started to smile, as she watched Roy. _He looks so happy and carefree maybe a dogs what he needed._

Just then Ed and Alphonse Elric appear through the door, and get to see Roy dancing with Hayete.

"Ha! Found a new 'dog' of the military I see."

'Meow'

"Huh?"

'Meow'

'Woof, Woof!'

"Ah, no kitty don't!"

Alphonse had a cat with him, and the cat just escaped as Hayete started barking. Well the chase was on, the cat was in the lead running from the dog, followed by Alphonse chasing to save his cat while at the same time running from Hayete, which next came Hayete chasing after Alphonse and the cat, and finally in the rear chasing Hayete was Roy.

"Hayete don't do this to me! I can't keep up." Roy fell out of the race, but because he stopped the cat ran into his feet which called Alphonse and the Hayete to come crashing into him, leaving them on top of each other in a big mess.

"Well if you need me, Hayete and I will be in my office! I have a lot of training to do." With that Roy turned sharply on his heel, and Hayete followed him…by gunpoint.


	2. Final Tactics 2

"Alright Hayete!" Roy started pacing back and forth as he drilled Hayete on his moves.

"You perform 'sit' like this, now you must pay close attention! Only skilled Flame Alchemist such as I can do this." Roy sat down on the ground in a doggie style sitting position, sparkles in his eyes.

"Now another move is the Mustang Worshipper Position! You may wonder what this is, but it is a very graceful stance that only one such as I may do. Watch carefully, Havoc!"

"Yes Colonel Mustang!"

"We must show Hayete the Mustang Worshipper Position! Now, when I become Furher, all female officers have to wear short mini-skirts and bikini tops!"

"I will follow you to the end of the earth colonel!" Havoc got down and grabbed Roy's leg and started rubbing on it like he was a cat. Hayete decided to join in, but instead of rubbing his leg on Roy…well he first humped Havoc's free arm, and then peed on Roy's free leg.

"You god damned dog!" Mustang took out his gun and fired shots at Hayete. The dog dodged them easily, running down the hall and to the outside, where he could finally pee on a tree.

"Hayete! You get back here this instant." Roy started to chase after Hayete after he finished being on the tree. Well at first they just ran in circles, then they ran in a box, then they finally ran in a triangle.

"What the hell? Why did we just run in a triangle?"

My voice comes in.

"Because I told you to dammit, so if I say you run in a triangle well you better damn run in a triangle, got it Colonel!"

"Y-yes man."

"Good."

I then take my leave to never return again.

Mustang finally gets Hayete to return to his office and starts to drill him again.

"Now Hayete you must learn to roll over, now follow what I do."

Roy get's down on the ground and puts his hands above his head, and starts rolling, hitting a wall, changes direction and hits the next wall. Hayete decides to join in and they both start rolling around hitting walls. Until Riza comes in and finds them rolling, but they immediately stopped, with Hayete ending up onto of Roy's balls, making Riza look very disgusted.

"Well Colonel, I can see you are currently…ahem 'busy' at the moment, so I'll come back later." Roy started blushing, while throwing Hayete off of him.

"Black Hayete, you have made sufficient progress. So I will teach you the ultimate trick…The Riza Lover trick. Now how you do this is like…" Mustang's voice trailed off as he went out the door running after Riza with Hayete on his heels.

"Colonel!" Riza had no chance to speak anymore before Mustang went in a kissed Riza hard on the lips, and then started rubbing her leg.

"C-colonel! W-what are you doing?" Riza stared blushing furiously while her expression quickly change to anger as Mustang groped her breast and Hayete humped her leg.

"Why you… Get back here."

"Hayete I forgot one last technique! The Runaway From Pissed Off Riza Trick!" With that Hayete, jumped into a very scared looking Mustang's arms, and they both ran to his office while Riza chased them, and shooting at them with her pistol.

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Well uh that's pretty much it I hope you like it and I think it's done…I really don't have anything else for this b/c as of uh today which is June 18th my brother has gotten into an almost fatal crash. My ideas are thin now and my mind is blank. Well I'll give you quick review of the crash.

His car's back end started to curve out which caused his to go into the other lane where a van was coming head on, and he knew if he hit the van he would have been killed. Well he swerved off the road and b/c the ground was low his car went airborne, well that caused him b/c trees were around, to slam the back end into a tree causing him to do a 360 with his car. Then he hit ground and his car flipped over and he slammed into another big pine tree, completely caving in the back, the passenger's side and basically the whole entire passenger's side. He was able to get out of the car with the Jaws of Life and made It to the hospital, with head gashes, a concussion, cuts above his eyes, cuts and gashes in his arms, legs, stomach, bruising on the lungs, and basically all over. So that's it he's in the hospital as of June 18th, the same day and we are hoping he get's to come home June 19th so as you can tell this has been an eventful Father's Day. So I'll stop rambling bye bye!


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